How to Photograph a Basset Hound

1. Find Camera.
2. Find Basset.
3. Remove film from box and load camera. (yes, Virginia, we did used to use actual film!)
4. Remove film box from dog's mouth and throw in garbage.
5. Remove Basset Hound from garbage and remove coffee grounds from muzzle.
6. Find a suitable background for the photo.
7. Mount camera on tripod.
8. Find tripod.
9. Redo step 7, and then focus.
10. Find Basset Hound and wake it up.
11. Drag Basset to pre-focused location and return to camera.
12. Return to camera and check focus.
13. Get down on hands and knees and drag the dog from underneath the coffee table.
14. Focus with one hand and fend off Basset with the other hand.
15. Get tissue and clean nose goblins from the lens.
16. Put magazines back on coffee table.
17. Try to get Basset Hound's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
18. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
19. Grab Basset Hound by the scruff of the neck (a little too late) and say "No!, Bad Dog, Outside!!!"
20. Call spouse to clean up mess.
21. Decide to draw Basset Hound instead......

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